The modern dating landscape is abysmal.

Forty-seven percent of U.S. adults say dating is harder today for most people compared to a decade ago, and millennials have flocked to TikTok to vent their frustrations, tears and all. Politics has recently become more divisive in relationships, with Gen Z women and men now having a gender gap in political preferences. As the scene gets more complex with dating apps, conflicting advice, and debates around gender roles, it all becomes too much to handle. It’s no wonder why nearly four out of ten Americans aged twenty-five through fifty-four are neither married nor living with a partner — that’s a thirty percent increase since 1990.

While the popular sitcom How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) aired its finale a decade ago, its characters remind viewers of how, as dreams evolve, certain passions stick around and intensify. Josh Radnor plays Ted Mosby, the show’s protagonist, a hopeless romantic trying to find a stable connection and identity in a society where love has seemingly run dry. 

Ted’s journey shows that romance is rarely linear — and that’s okay — but he searches with a clear purpose of meeting and marrying “the one.” Moreover, Ted Mosby highlights that meaningful, long-term relationships are rooted in patience and self-reflection, which are the virtues that will rejuvenate today’s dating world.

In 1745, Founding Father Benjamin Franklin wrote to a colleague considering taking a mistress that “Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness.” Franklin advocates for a proper outlet for love and companionship and attempts to discourage noncommittal romantic behavior. It is sincere and something both partners will find peace in.

Heed the Advice

Despite his closest friends often mocking his old-fashioned idealism, Ted takes Franklin’s advice to heart. Ted goes to great comedic lengths to woo potential partners and display his gentlemanliness. While his stunts are well-intentioned, they are not the best received or morally sound, forcing Ted to reinvent his approach constantly.

Yet, Ted’s persistence and ability to adapt after heartbreak demonstrate his commitment to a long-term relationship as a significant endgame, not just an arbitrary milestone. His willingness to be upfront about his beliefs and desires contrasts sharply with the ambiguity that governs modern dating, where “defining the relationship” and “situationships” can stall potential connections. Honest communication can help those dating today prevent wasting energy on incompatible partners.

Even with his best efforts, Ted Mosby still falls into the trap of superficial attraction. Throughout Ted’s nine-season-long endeavor, he dates fifty-nine women, some more prospective in marriage than others. Ted can navigate these imperfections because he accepts the uncertainty and messiness of dating, knowing that the ultimate payoff is worth every loss, regret, and mistake. 

Unfortunately, dating anxiety runs rampant today, and a recent study found that using dating apps was associated with increased feelings of shame for all its participants. Modern dating requires more than heart — it demands bravery and open-mindedness. When many young adults today view the opposite sex as a barrier to happiness rather than a source, that mindset digs its own grave. Any chance of finding “the one” is better than none, and that’s the fuel that stokes Ted’s fire time and time again.

Funnily enough, in the HIMYM universe lore, Benjamin Franklin was meant to be an original co-author of the Bro Code, one of two plot devices (the other being The Playbook) used to justify the many sexual exploits of another major character, Barney Stinson. Greig Dymond of CBC.ca called the book “a tongue-in-cheek guide to etiquette for horn-dog dudes,” but it applies to everyone engaging in modern dating’s errors.

The Code’s philosophy prioritizes short-term flings and suggests the emotional intimacy required for a successful, long-term relationship is undesirable. It is a cultural shift that young Americans have adopted, as the average ages of marriage and reproduction have been dramatically pushed back to make way for hookup culture. As seen with Barney, he relies on cheap tricks, corny pickup lines, and personas to win over women, but he refuses to be emotionally vulnerable. Barney may often get his one-night stands, but it is a carefree lifestyle that is unsustainable, and this realization slowly eats away at his soul in later episodes. In turn, those who treat hookups as the answer to their problems are ill-prepared to recognize and sustain true love, especially into adulthood. After all, couples that started from a hookup tend to have lower marital quality than couples who didn’t begin from a hookup.

Love is Not Transactional

Love is not, nor should be, transactional, and audiences can appreciate Ted’s value from Barney’s schemes. Finding the right partner takes time, but those dating must be personally ready for commitment. Maturity is crucial for companionship, which Franklin would advise is rooted in mutual care and understanding. Ted’s relationships that fell apart aren’t failures; they’re steps toward readiness for lasting love. By the time he meets The Mother, Ted is emotionally prepared to embrace the happiness Franklin describes. It’s happiness that my generation should aspire to obtain for themselves.

Anything can happen with love, as 2024 is a significant year for both Radnor and Mosby. At age 50, Radnor married clinical psychologist Jordana J. Jacobs, and Ted… well, you’ll have to watch HIMYM to find out. But Ted won the dating world by striving for a life defined by romantic stability. He demonstrates the transformative power of commitment and how, in a fast-paced, culturally changing world, the pursuit of lasting love remains timeless.

Ted’s lessons are best described in his own words: “If you’re looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love.”

Alex Rosado is a Professional Programs Assistant at the Alexander Hamilton Society. The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and may not reflect the official views or positions of the Alexander Hamilton Society. Follow him on Twitter/X at @Alexprosado.